Love and companionship is something we want and need at any age. If you have someone to spend your life with, someone to support you in the downs and luxuriate with you in the ups it makes this life easier. Unfortunately, no-one lives forever and eventually we all say goodbye to the loved one that shared in our lives. For the one left behind it is, however, not the end of the road and if you are a woman dating a widower over 60 we have some tips to help you make a success of your relationship.
Don’t ignore the past
When you date a widower it’s important to remember that he had an entire life with a wife and quite possibly kids. The life he had before you were a more permanent part of him has probably given him many fond memories and a huge number of those memories will include his late wife. The same is probably true for you as you also had an entire life before him. Don’t try to ignore those memories but rather share them and accompany each other on a walk down memory lane. The same goes for when his kids share stories and memories of their mother. Encourage them to remember her with gratitude for the time they had together and when the opportunity arises, celebrate the new memories you make with your partner and his family.
Don’t fight the grief
Regardless of whether your partner’s wife passed away recently or some time ago there will be times that he will grieve her again. He did not decide to end a relationship that was no longer working – the wife with whom he made it work was taken away and that difference is massive. Things will happen that might bring the grieve to the forefront again. The birth of a grandchild, for example, can be a joyous and difficult time. That child’s grandmother will be remembered and the lack of her presence sorely felt. Let him grieve her absence and be a safe harbour he can go to to find comfort.
Don’t be a replacement
Remember that you are an individual and as such you cannot just replace his late wife. You will never be her and shouldn’t try to be either. Be who you are and don’t imitate things she did if it is not in your nature to do or say those things too. By the same token, don’t allow him to expect this of you either. You have your own personality and quirks. He should find you attractive and interesting because of that. You deserve to be loved and accepted for that and not because you can replace the person he lost.
Do go for it
If you embark on this journey of companionship and love, go all out. Make new memories and do things together that you wouldn’t have done otherwise. Share your wants, needs and desires with each other and do your best to truly make each other happy. Embrace the gift of possibly falling in love or finding a best friend for a second time and make the best of it.